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Things I Don’t Understand About My Dogs

If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, you’ve probably seen these cuties before (and/or heard me griping about something they’ve done). I never planned to become a crazy dog lady – at least not this early in life – but I’ve always loved dogs and I ended up with each one for various reasons that require long stories. Which I won’t bore you with today because that’s not why I’m here.

I’m not one of those dorky people who thinks my dogs are my children. That said, they seem to consider themselves human and have developed distinct personalities and quirks. And I’ll just come right out and say it – My dogs are weirdos.

Oh, I know what you’re thinking. Yeah, all dogs are weird! They sniff other dogs’ butts! But my dogs take it even further, to the point that I seriously think they might have brain damage. My son says they fit in with our family “because we’re ALL strange” (thanks kid) so maybe I’m wrong to question the dogs’ behavioral choices. Still, I can’t help feeling like something is amiss.

Meet the Dogs and Their Weirdness

Moxie: Moxie is the newest addition to the group. She’s a 10 month-old Yorkie, and while you can’t tell from the picture, she only weighs about 2 pounds. She’s also probably the closest to normal. She doesn’t really like to be held or petted (so much for getting a lap dog) and of course everyone wants to hold her because she’s the smallest. She is absolutely obsessed with catching the random cat that likes to sneak into the house. Oh, and she has eaten every pair of flip flops I own, except the 2 new pairs I just bought (which I keep on my bookshelf so she can’t reach them).

Bella: Bella is the most awkward dog I’ve ever seen. She doesn’t know how to go from standing or sitting to lying down, so she kind of falls over on the floor like one of those fainting goats. I’ve never ever heard her whine – instead, she just paws at me to get my attention. And when she barks, she makes a clucking noise like a chicken. I can’t make this stuff up. She also makes really good “Do not want” faces when Bentley comes near her because she’s terrified of him.

Bentley: Oh, Bentley. He’s just so weird. First of all, he eats the other dogs’ poop. A few years ago I got the vet to give me this powder to put on his food “so the poop won’t taste good anymore” (WTF?) but he just licked the powder off the food and ate more poop. He will also go outside to pee and then lick the pee off the ground. I’d like to think he’s just trying to help out since we all know I’m not Martha Stewart, but REALLY?!?! When people come over, I have to be all OMG DON’T LET HIM LICK YOU and then I have to explain why.

Apollo: Don’t tell anyone I said this, but Apollo is my favorite of the four. However, he also wins the prize for weirdest dog. This dog has a complete foot fetish, but only when my feet are involved. (And you guys may not know this, but I have a major phobia of feet. They’re disgusting.) If I’m wearing socks, he’ll paw and bite at the socks until he pulls them off. Then he tries to hold my feet down with his paws so he can lick them. He also attacks the other dogs if they get close to my bare feet. How is it possible that someone who hates feet gets a dog who insists on trying to lick them?

I Just Don’t Get It

Why does Moxie eat flip flops? Why does Bella sound like she belongs on a farm somewhere? Why does Bentley insist on being disgusting? And why is Apollo trying to lick my feet RIGHT THIS SECOND while I’m typing this post?

Those are just a few of the things that confuse me about these animals. Most of the time they get on my nerves so much I could scream. Yet they’re going to the groomer today and I’ll be depressed all day waiting for them to come home. That’s probably the most confounding thing of all – the fact that four animals can be so annoying yet so much a part of the family at the same time.

Do you have pets? Are they weirdos? I want to hear your most bizarre animal stories!


  1. Bentley might have a potassium deficiency. One of my ridiculous dogs loved poop until we substituted in half a banana every day. Vet recommended, germaphobe approved. Luckily she never licks anyone, though she will want to get as close as she can to your face, just so that she can know exactly what you had to eat during the day.

    My dogs are pretty normal. They're all lab or retreiver mixes, though, so they still think that at 80+ pounds they're lap dogs. Oh, and one cannot have a drink of water without sticking her foot in it. It's the weirdest thing ever. I love 'em to death, but they can be pretty darn goofy.

  2. My ten year old dachshund, Pablo, likes to chase a lighted dot that I have on my key chain. He would chase it FOR HOURS if I let him. He's nearly blind now…so he can't see it as well anymore.

  3. We have two cats. Yes, we're cat people. One of them insists on sleeping on the middle pillow our our king sized bed. If she jumps up in the middle of the night and her pillow is "occupied," then she licks Vonnie's hair, meows, or walks across us back and forth until we move.

  4. Ok first I just have to get this out of my system:

    lol! They are all adorable. Moxie's got a great face. If I wasn't afraid of stepping on (and breaking) such a tiny little thing, I'd have a Yorkie in a heartbeat.

    Weird things? Hmm ALL my pets are weird. I won't recount ALL of them because a friend counted the other day and we have 20. O_o Not sure how that happened…. five guinea pigs, 5 dogs (still trying to place a puppy), 5 cats (I'm seeing a pattern here), a bird, bunny and 3 turtles.

    Kame (Kah-may), my Eastern Box Turtle (*kicks Blake Shelton in Kame's honor*) is an odd turtle… He likes to climb out of the enclosure and cruise around my office. He usually ends up in a basket or pile of laundry on the floor. He also likes cat kibble.
    My Australian Shepherd, Charlie, is weird because he thinks he's a cat. He weighs 40lbs and wants to be ON me, in my lap or lays on top of me in bed.

    My cats are all weird, but I think cats are inherently weird, so does that make them normal?

    lol I think they are weird for a reason- they try to entertain us so we'll fall for the "I'm too cute to be guilty" look when we find items that look suspiciously as if they've been gnawed around the house.

  5. ahahhahaha precious Monday mornin' read. Thanks!

  6. queenlbee says

    I would love to see Bella fall over like a fainting goat. I'm requesting a video. lol.

  7. I'm not a fan of small dogs but those guys are CUTE! I have a hypo-allergenic cat named Mia, her thing is that if we're asleep in the bedroom and we've DARED to lock her out, she'll hurl herself at the bedroom door until we let her in.

    Our newest edition is Molly, our rescued English Springer Spaniel. So far she hasn't developed any habits that are too weird except for the fact that when meeting other dogs off leash, she charges and tumbles them pretty aggressively, then two seconds later she's best friends with them.

    Also I think the foot licking thing is a territorial obsession, which would explain why he attacks other dogs for getting too close to "his" feet. My mom's dog does it too.

  8. Our pets are weird also. The dog also eats her own poo, but only in the winter when they are frozen. We call them turdcicles. That's probably weird too haha. She also likes to sleep upside down. Our cat thinks he is a dog and plays fetch and drinks out of the dogs water. That's what I like about pets though, they are weird but that's what makes them lovable.

  9. It is pretty bad when I literally LoL at your dogs. We have one dog and for the most part she is scared of the back yard… she loved it when it was dirt bit now that it has grass she wont go out in it as much… weird dog.

  10. 100wordson says

    My 25lb terrier thinks he's as big as a Great Dane, but will admit that Mastiff's are bigger than him- which makes him a pretty typical terrier. He's also pretty territorial of me.
    My Beagle is, well, a Beagle. If you have treat in your pocket, she will follow you out of the dog park. One time, she even went to far as to get in someone else's car.
    Our foster is deaf, so the few things he can hear (other than our dogs barking) kind of freak him out. That means he leaves the room anytime someone opens a soda can, or he won't stay next to us if we're coughing.

  11. My comment was much too long, so I'm turning it into a post instead 😉

  12. My cats are also very strange. My older cat Frisco is OCD about cleanliness. If she sees my other cat, she insists on cleaning him until he gets sick of her and tackles her. She hates wrestling. She also refuses to step into the litter box once it's been used and will instead take care of business by balance on the edge. She used to lay across the back of my dining room chairs. The backs were 1.5" wide. My other cat Pogo coos like a pigeon and prefers to lay on his back. He's decided that the other pillow next to mine in bed is his and will lay on his back with his head on the pillow like a mini-person.

  13. We don't have any pets of our own, but we share my sister n law's two dogs. They live behind us so we see them every day. Fred eats everything and I mean everything, including poop. Ginger just wants to be loved on. If you're rubbing Fred's belly she'll come over and nose her way in between your hand and his belly. She can't stand that he is getting the attention.

  14. Thanks for making me laugh so hard I cried! It was Bentley's story that sent me over the edge. Our newest family member is Luke, a 95lb black & tan hound mix rescued from the pound last November. Luke has some issues, the most troublesome being his drug addiction. In addition to eating entire cans of coffee and stealing packs of cigarettes; if left alone in my room, he gets in my purse and takes out my medication (luckily he only chews the bottles and usually leaves me the pills). He's very helpful when it comes to cleaning – he takes the dirty dishes out of the dishwasher and cleans them, saving me the hassle of the "pre-rinse" cycle. Like a lot of dogs, his absolute favorite thing in the world is cat vomit. Having four cats, we have our fair share of cat vomit and it's nice not to have to clean it up. The problem is Luke is a tad bit paranoid in his belief that the cats will, at any moment, steal whatever it is he has found. Thus, he attempts to eat the cat puke while the cat is still vomiting, going so far as to growl at, then chase, the feline in possession of his prized treat. Luke's assertion that whatever a cat happens to have is actually his, be it a toy, or a hair ball still lodged in the trachea, has led to a united protest on the part of the cats. They now enter the house for the sole purpose of peeing on our pillows.

  15. My dog is so normal, and I am kinda happy about it now. We only had a problem a few years ago with her eating rocks, but she stopped doing it soon after. My only issue with her is how terrified she is of storms. Normally, she will run back and forth in the house. She rarely cries or barks, but I just wish she could sit still in storms!

  16. I started laughing out loud when I read this post! I like dogs-but, I'm not a pet person. Your dogs are hilarious!

  17. I'm a cat person, but my cat behaves in a very dog-like way most of the time. The weirdest thing about him though is his bizarre food preferences.
    He hates wet food
    He doesn't care for treats
    He won't eat meat except licking clean the occasional tuna can

    But what he does love: Kale and green olives. Every time I have a martini, I have to fight him off. Last night I brought in my farm share for the week and there was a bunch of kale buried under the turnips and beets. He was on the counter frantically trying to find it until I ripped some off and put it in his bowl.

    He's a weirdo, but it awfully cute.

    • Just had to reply as one of my cats loves Romaine lettuce, which I've always thought to be the oddest thing. Whenever I bring in groceries he starts jumping through the bags until he finds it. I've never brought home any kale but I'm betting I would get the same result.

  18. bogofdebt says

    My cat will only eat popcorn if I give it to him–seriously, my fiance tried and the cat turned up his nose at him. I then picked up the same piece (it's just the white fluff and only a little bit) and fed it to him. He does come when called and basically acts like a small lap dog. The other really odd thing is he will try to eat anything if you let him.

  19. My jack russell terrier (RIP Sadie) chased toads her whole life. Sometimes she actually caught one. They give off this toxic poison that should have killed her, but she would just turn green and foam at the mouth for an hour. You'd think she'd have learned after the first twelve times, but she never stopped trying to get the toads.

  20. I'm so jealous! I want ONE dog but four would be a dream. Crazy dog lady-hood = imminent.

  21. I am not a dog person, for a variety of reasons, but I do enjoy reading stories about them like yours. My cousin has an insane dog; she actually took a video of the dog bouncing up and down on her bed, trapped in a sheet, completely covered up.

  22. Pod is so weird too. Like Bella, he is incapable of lying down, and just crashes his 65 pound self to the floor instead. He can sit, now (which is supposed to be difficult for greyhounds), but he won't lie down from that position either, he'll stand back up and then fall to the floor on his side.

    He also clucks like a chicken. And snorts like a horse. And he hates walking through grass, puddles, and dirt.

  23. teinegurl says

    i don't have any pets but they are soooo cute!! i love their names too!

  24. I have a corgi who has taken it upon herself to find and eat all the cat poo in the neighborhood. That is weird quirk #1. Weird quirk #2, she has found it in her heart to help me with the laundry…Meaning I came home from work to find that she had knocked over the laundry basket and proceeded to lick the crotch of all the underwear in the basket clean.(mine and my husbands!) Quirk #3…She loves used tampons and condoms. I came home to find the garbage in the bathroom picked through and the remains of my used tampons spread all over the floor, chewed and mostly eaten. Another time, a used condom. The contents I caught her licking off the floor and off of her fur after she chewed the latex open. Yah… that was a fun dog bath. The result..she was pooping cotton for weeks.

  25. MyPetsRMyKids says

    "I’m not one of those dorky people who thinks my dogs are my children." –> Yes, well, I DO think my dogs (AND my cats) are my children, but I am most certainly NOT "dorky" because of it! 😛 (Rude much?!?)

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