If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, you’ve probably seen these cuties before (and/or heard me griping about something they’ve done). I never planned to become a crazy dog lady – at least not this early in life – but I’ve always loved dogs and I ended up with each one for various reasons that require long stories. Which I won’t bore you with today because that’s not why I’m here.
I’m not one of those dorky people who thinks my dogs are my children. That said, they seem to consider themselves human and have developed distinct personalities and quirks. And I’ll just come right out and say it – My dogs are weirdos.
Oh, I know what you’re thinking. Yeah, all dogs are weird! They sniff other dogs’ butts! But my dogs take it even further, to the point that I seriously think they might have brain damage. My son says they fit in with our family “because we’re ALL strange” (thanks kid) so maybe I’m wrong to question the dogs’ behavioral choices. Still, I can’t help feeling like something is amiss.
Meet the Dogs and Their Weirdness
Moxie: Moxie is the newest addition to the group. She’s a 10 month-old Yorkie, and while you can’t tell from the picture, she only weighs about 2 pounds. She’s also probably the closest to normal. She doesn’t really like to be held or petted (so much for getting a lap dog) and of course everyone wants to hold her because she’s the smallest. She is absolutely obsessed with catching the random cat that likes to sneak into the house. Oh, and she has eaten every pair of flip flops I own, except the 2 new pairs I just bought (which I keep on my bookshelf so she can’t reach them).
Bella: Bella is the most awkward dog I’ve ever seen. She doesn’t know how to go from standing or sitting to lying down, so she kind of falls over on the floor like one of those fainting goats. I’ve never ever heard her whine – instead, she just paws at me to get my attention. And when she barks, she makes a clucking noise like a chicken. I can’t make this stuff up. She also makes really good “Do not want” faces when Bentley comes near her because she’s terrified of him.
Bentley: Oh, Bentley. He’s just so weird. First of all, he eats the other dogs’ poop. A few years ago I got the vet to give me this powder to put on his food “so the poop won’t taste good anymore” (WTF?) but he just licked the powder off the food and ate more poop. He will also go outside to pee and then lick the pee off the ground. I’d like to think he’s just trying to help out since we all know I’m not Martha Stewart, but REALLY?!?! When people come over, I have to be all OMG DON’T LET HIM LICK YOU and then I have to explain why.
Apollo: Don’t tell anyone I said this, but Apollo is my favorite of the four. However, he also wins the prize for weirdest dog. This dog has a complete foot fetish, but only when my feet are involved. (And you guys may not know this, but I have a major phobia of feet. They’re disgusting.) If I’m wearing socks, he’ll paw and bite at the socks until he pulls them off. Then he tries to hold my feet down with his paws so he can lick them. He also attacks the other dogs if they get close to my bare feet. How is it possible that someone who hates feet gets a dog who insists on trying to lick them?
I Just Don’t Get It
Why does Moxie eat flip flops? Why does Bella sound like she belongs on a farm somewhere? Why does Bentley insist on being disgusting? And why is Apollo trying to lick my feet RIGHT THIS SECOND while I’m typing this post?
Those are just a few of the things that confuse me about these animals. Most of the time they get on my nerves so much I could scream. Yet they’re going to the groomer today and I’ll be depressed all day waiting for them to come home. That’s probably the most confounding thing of all – the fact that four animals can be so annoying yet so much a part of the family at the same time.
Do you have pets? Are they weirdos? I want to hear your most bizarre animal stories!