OMG you guys…. I’m frantic over here and really trying not to be.
By the time you read this, I’ll be sitting in the commons area of my old high school for Jayden’s freshman orientation. MY CHILD IS GOING TO HIGH SCHOOL. It seems like I just got out of high school a few months ago or something.
Those of you who don’t have kids may think I’m being silly, but it’s really traumatic for me to realize that Jayden is a teenager. I look back at pictures of him when he was three and it’s like my mom brain still sees him at that size, with that voice, doing the same things he did as a toddler. He was the cutest kid on the planet – of course I still think he’s cute, but he’s definitely in his awkward stage right now – and was always so well-behaved I almost felt bad. (Because let’s be honest. Some of my friends’ kids acted like crazed lunatics at three.) See? Look how cute he was!
I also carry a lot of guilt because I feel like I missed out on so much of Jayden’s early years. I was in school until he was 7 years old, then I spent the next 6 1/2 years working way too many hours for not enough pay. I remember things like the year I didn’t take him trick or treating because I was writing a paper for grad school, or the times I told him “Not right now” when he wanted to play a board game because I was cleaning or working. And you have no idea how much I wish I could rewind and do nothing but play with him.
It’s kind of funny. Now I work from home and could spend all kinds of time with him, but he’s locked in his room playing Minecraft and watching YouTube videos. There’s a very small window where kids want to hang out with their parents, and I became self-employed too late to catch it. And now he’s going to high school and my role has changed from beloved mom to chauffeur, short order cook, and source of eyerolls and sighs.
Anyway, that’s what I’m doing today – reflecting on the past and trying not to turn into a sobbing mess in front of Jayden’s classmates. Would appreciate good thoughts/karma and hope you all have a great weekend!