I really try not to whine all the time. I could, quite easily, but I know no one wants to read that crap (including me). Other than a few miniature breakdowns here and there, I try to keep it positive and look for things to get better.
Today is not one of those days.
Guys, I am freaking out. Absolutely freaking out. 24/7. When I’m writing posts, joking around on Twitter, or trying to work on freelance stuff, I’m usually either crying or trying to keep from crying. I can’t motivate myself to get anything done because I’m too busy searching for a way out of this mess. And every day that passes with no solution seems to increase my stress exponentially.
I know we aren’t supposed to waste time on regrets or beating ourselves up over our past mistakes, but I can’t help it sometimes. Today I just wish I could get a do-over for my entire life. That sounds so dumb and dramatic to say but it’s the truth. I can’t pinpoint exactly when everything got so ridiculous, so I’d rather just start from scratch.
Between my money/job situation, issues with my son, dealing with my cousin’s finances, a certain family member making me feel guilty for breathing, and a TON of personal crap going on, I don’t know how much more I can handle.
I’ve never been one to ask for help unless things are just really, really bad. But today I’m asking for prayers, thoughts, good karma, whatever. I just don’t know what to do and I’m tired of pretending that I’m okay when I’m not. I now feel completely pathetic. That is all.