Step Brothers is one of my favorite movies of all time. If you haven’t seen it, you should stop reading this post and go watch it right now – that’s how hilarious it is. Anyway, there’s a scene toward the end where the dad tries to encourage his adult son:
Robert: Listen to me, Dale. Look, when I was a kid, when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur. I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus rex more than anything. I made my arms short and roamed the backyard, and I chased the neighborhood cats, and I growled and I roared… Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And then one day my dad said, “Bobby, you’re 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside.” And I said, “Okay, Pop.” But he didn’t really say that; he said, “Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job.” But you know, I thought to myself, I’ll go to medical school… I’ll practice a little while. Then I’ll come back to it.
Dale: Dad… How is that a skill?
Robert: …but I forgot how to do it.
Dale: You’re human. You could never be a dinosaur.
Robert: Yeah. Hey, I lost it.
Dale: Dad, what’s the point?
Robert: The point is, don’t lose your dinosaur.
There are all kinds of inspirational things I could say about that, but you guys know that isn’t my style (especially on Fridays). Instead, I thought about all the ways that being a T-Rex would make my life immeasurably better, including my finances.
How Being a T-Rex Would Help My Finances
1. I wouldn’t be able to reach my wallet.
No, seriously. The T-Rex has little tiny useless arms. If I could turn into one, I’d have no choice but to control my impulses to spend money.
2. I wouldn’t have to deal with peer pressure.
How many people do you think want to hang out with a vicious, carnivorous dinosaur? I’m pretty sure they’d all run away screaming instead of tempting me to go shopping.
3. I wouldn’t need material things.
A T-Rex doesn’t need a house, car, gadgets, clothes, shoes, or anything else really. And even if it had those things, it would probably inadvertently crush them.
4. I could probably get out of repaying my student loans.
I can’t picture anyone from Sallie Mae chasing down a T-Rex because its loan payment was past due. And since I couldn’t get a job as a dinosaur, I’d probably qualify for some kind of special forgiveness program.
5. Dinosaurs do whatever they want.
Dinosaurs don’t deal with money. They run around terrorizing other creatures and eating them. Financial difficulties SOLVED!
What We Can Learn From the T-Rex
A T-Rex would never run into financial problems because money isn’t part of its vocabulary. However, a T-Rex also wouldn’t plan for the future, leaving it to die a painful death after being hit by asteroids. Its family would be left without a single stegosaurus carcass, all because of its failure to think ahead.
No matter how good it may sound on the surface, becoming a dinosaur is never a good idea. And daydreaming about becoming one, while fun for a minute, won’t make your financial woes disappear.
This has been a pointless financial public service announcement. Have a great weekend, friends!