Yesterday I was about to take Jayden to school when I noticed that he was wearing dirty socks. Unfortunately that’s a common problem with him, so I went to his room to grab a clean pair in the interest of saving time. Opened his sock drawer and there was a mouse in there.
It was almost funny – the mouse kind of flailed about for a second, then realized it had nowhere to go and flopped over like it was dead. But then it wasn’t so funny because I had to reach right beside it to get a pair of socks. Plus I really didn’t want to leave it in there, but what was I going to do? Pick it up with my bare hands?
As I relayed this story to Jayden in the car, he made what I like to call his Confession Face; it’s kind of a half grimace, half look of terror. Usually this happens when he’s about to tell me something he knows I won’t like, so he’s afraid for his life. (Or at least I like to think so, considering I’m the meanest mom on the planet.)
“When you get back home, you should probably look under my bed.” He wouldn’t even attempt eye contact.
“OMG, why do I need to look under your bed?”
“Just do it, Mom. Don’t make me explain right now.”
So I went home, pulled up the bedskirt, and nearly came unglued. This child had TONS of food-related debris under his bed. Dirty dishes, half-empty Dorito bags, a bunch of gummy bears…. And I wondered why there was a mouse in there? Obviously I missed the grand opening of the vermin buffet going on underneath the bed.
Teenage Boys are Disgusting
I wish I could say that Jayden is normally a very neat and organized child, but I’d be lying. He’s very OCD about certain things; cleanliness just isn’t one of those things. (Sound familiar? Except I do not leave random food all over the place. EVER.)
Why did I not receive my copy of the “Boys are Nasty Handbook” when he was born? Was I supposed to just know that he would wear the same clothes for 3 days if I let him, or that hygiene would become a daily battle requiring death threats? I thought a boy would be easier to raise than a girl, and for the most part I was right, but no one prepared me for the fact that my child would be skanky.
I really don’t know how to deal with this issue. I am already publicly humiliating him by publishing this post. I have also promised that I will chop off his pinky fingers if I ever find food in his room again. Most disturbing to me, though, is the fact that he knew all that junk was in his room and it didn’t bother him! WTF?
Does This Get Better?
By the time you read this post, hopefully the mouse will be dead. (Where’s Specter when I need him?) I just hope there aren’t any other creepy crawlies taking up residence in my house. Also, buying mousetraps is kind of embarrassing, as I learned yesterday.
Anyway, I really need someone to tell me that my son will not be gross for the rest of his life. More importantly, I need to know what to do to prevent this from becoming a habit for him. Should there be some kind of punishment involved, other than forbidding him to eat in his room? Is it acceptable to beat him? (Mostly kidding on that one.) How do you get a teenage boy to care about things when he totally doesn’t care?