Hi, guys! My name is Andrea. You may remember me as the person who used to post here at So Over This multiple times each week. Not that I’ve given up blogging – I’m not planning on going anywhere – but lately this place feels like a ghost town.
It’s hard to talk about my absence without whining. I can’t believe this year is nearly halfway over and I have spent nearly all of it freaking out and/or drowning in a series of crappy life events. I am behind in every way you can imagine and I feel like I’ll never catch up. And every time I think of a good post idea, which has been surprisingly often, I can’t even bring myself to get started because I am so overwhelmed.
My cousin has finally found a job after living on my couch for six months. (Though I’ll probably grow a second head before I see any of the thousands of dollars he owes me.) He’ll likely be here several more months while he catches up on his bills and saves for deposits. In the meantime, I’m repressing the urge to smother him while he sleeps. If a family member ever needs to stay with you, do yourself a favor and join the witness protection program. Not. Worth. It.
I have emails in my inbox from March that I still haven’t answered. March. I’m completely disgusted by my inability to just sit down and respond to people. I feel like there’s no excuse, yet I literally have not had time to scroll down that far in the list of messages. I’m behind on work, many of my clients are aggravated (with good reason), and I nearly cry every morning when I wake up and see more emails. I don’t know how to even begin to address this, so for now I’m continuing to avoid the issue.
I didn’t get to go on vacation like I planned, and I’ve already had to cancel a trip I had planned for August. With all the money I’ve spent keeping my cousin afloat so my grandfather doesn’t have to, I just can’t justify spending on travel. And, to be honest, despite making more in the first five months of 2013 than I made all year in 2012, I can’t afford to right now.
I am exhausted and I feel like utter shit. I’ve been dealing with some medical issues since last fall. I’ve tried my best not to talk about it – my own family doesn’t even know, and I plan on keeping it that way as long as possible. I’m not going to die or anything, but try telling my body that. I seriously think I could sleep for a month. I’m still exercising on the days I can stand it, because I do feel better when I get off my ass, but there are times it’s just impossible. And sleeping certainly doesn’t help me get caught up on work. I’ve had to give up several clients and provide a number of refunds because of this, which makes me feel even worse.
Everything sucks right now. I can look back over two years of blog posts and see other times when I’ve felt like this, and I know things will turn around eventually. Until then, though, I’m left with a big pile of problems and no good solutions. There are so many things I’d rather write about, and so many things I’d like to share that might actually be helpful to some of you, but right now I just can’t do it.
When all this gets better – because I HAVE to feel like it’s going to get better – I promise I’ll be back to posting on a semi-regular basis and will stop with this ridiculous woe-is-me crap. Sometimes I just need to use this blog for free therapy, and I appreciate you for being willing to put up with it.