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A PF Blogger Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the web,
Not a blogger was posting, they’d all gone to bed.
Their insomniac readers clicked through with care,
In hopes that a new post soon would be there.

The bloggers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of AdSense checks danced in their heads.
And my dogs in their sweaters, and I in my gown,
Gave it up for the night and went to lie down.

When on my iPhone there arose such a clatter,
I unlocked the screen to see what was the matter.
Away to my inbox I flew like a flash,
Hoping for an offer of guest posts for cash.

The moon on the face of my tiny phone screen,
Kept me from reading and I wanted to scream.
I went to my office, and what should appear,
But a torrent of retweets from friends I hold dear.

With my Mac Twitter app, so lively and quick,
I went to my mentions with just a few clicks.
More rapid than eagles, the retweets, they came
And then I responded, calling each by name.

“Thanks, Katie! And Carrie! And BlondeonaBudget!
Thanks Shannyn and Jana and BudgetorFudget!
You guys are so awesome, and other friends, too.
Without your support, I don’t know what I’d do!”

As I sat there, enthralled with my retweets galore,
My dogs starting barking and ran to the door.
I grabbed for my gun like a true Southern belle,
And saw DebtChronicles running like hell.

I lowered the gun and took out the clip,
Coaxed him out of the ditch where he’d busted his lip.
An assortment of Grey Goose flung on his back,
He looked like a bartender as he emptied his pack.

His eyes – how they’re bloodshot! His drunk smile – how merry!
Did he really drive here? I hope not; that’s scary!
His smile grew larger as he passed me the ale,
“Don’t worry!” he promised. “I got this on sale!”

The bag for his laptop he held tight in his teeth,
And the power cord circled his head like a wreath.
“Sorry to drop in unexpected,” he said.
“I need to finish a post and my computer is dead!”

He was weighed down with stuff, hazard to his health,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and the shine on his dome
Told me it was safe to let him into my home.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Published his post, then turned with a jerk.
And just when I thought it was time to reminisce,
He shouted, “It’s midnight! My wife will be pissed!”

He sprang to the door with unusual speed,
Said, “Bye! Gotta check on my RSS feed!”
But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
“Bloggy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

About Andrea Whitmer

Andrea is a freelance web developer and mom trying to maintain a sense of humor in an otherwise chaotic world. She blogs in hopes of helping others avoid the same mistakes she made in the past. Join in the discussion here on So Over This, or connect on Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, or Google Plus. You can also subscribe to new posts via RSS so you never miss out!


  1. You are amazing!!! I think this is the best poem I've read. Ever. 

    Drunk blogging Santa. Simply awesome. 

  2. Wow! How do you do this? You are a poet now?
    Awesome Andrea!

  3. You're awesome! Merry Christmas, Andrea! 😀

  4. That was THE BEST thing I have ever read! Great job! Everyone should read this!

  5. This is awesomeeeeeee. Merry Christmas, Andrea!

  6. That was awesome! 🙂

  7. What a cute poem! Very original

  8. Loved this!  Very impressed with your skills at matching the original!  Merry Christmas!

  9. I love this; so funny and so 'close to the bone'. Merry Christmas and I am certain that 'great deeds await you' next year.

    Bloggy Christmas!

  10. Loved loved loved this!  I give it two mustaches WAY up!   May your Christmas be merry and your bra be filled with nog.  <3 you! 

  11. You made my Christmas, Andrea – your creativity just blows my mind.  🙂  There is definitely vodka in my future for my family gatherings this weekend, but sadly it is not Grey Goose.  I save the good stuff for special occasions….like #fincon12?   Have a great Christmas weekend!

  12. Awesome poem Andrea! Merry Christmas to you and your family 🙂

  13. Hilarious.  Bravo.  A PF Epyllion deserving of multiple reads!

  14. Very clever!  A Very Merry Christmas to you and yours, Andrea!

  15. Little House says:

    That's awesome and so creative. Have a wonderful holiday!

  16. So clever! I loved it 🙂 Merry Christmas!

  17. hahaha oh shit my wife will be pissed! haha

  18. That's too funny, 

    Thanks for Sharing

  19. Great poem!!  You are a woman of many talents!

  20. this is unreal. well played

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