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5 Things You Should Never Say to a Depressed Person

I have depressed friends and family members and I am definitely guilty of saying these things to them. Knowing how to interact with someone with a mental illness can be challenging. Read these 5 things you should never say to a depressed person, to make sure you don't exacerbate their health!
depression insomnia

Many people know that I have suffered from depression related to PTSD since I was 13 years old. It’s not something I spend much time thinking about – I’ve taken antidepressants for years and I generally feel okay – but it’s definitely a part of my life and likely always will be.

Recently, it occurred to me that I was struggling to make it through the day and complete even the simplest of tasks. Something as easy as making a phone call could paralyze me for hours. I alternated between staying awake for days on end and sleeping 12+ hours at a time. I stopped writing blog posts and let myself become completely overwhelmed by all the stressful things in my life. Last week I finally had to admit to myself that my depressive symptoms were back, regardless of the fact that I don’t really feel depressed.

As much as I didn’t want to, it was time to call my doctor. I’ve taken every antidepressant ever invented, and while Zoloft has worked wonders for me for the past 7-8 years, I was at the max dose and it was time to try something different. Now that I’ve started a new medication, I’m in that mode where the fog is lifting and I’m finally starting to feel human again.

One thing that annoys me most about depression is the feeling that I’m not supposed to talk about it. Even though I’m a licensed therapist, even though it’s the 21st century, mental illness is still one of those things that people tend to keep to themselves. And while I understand that feeling of being “too weak” to cope with everyday life (because I feel that way all the time), the truth is that depression has nothing to do with weakness. But people who have never experienced it don’t know that because no one talks about it. And the cycle goes on and on…

Anyway, I talked to a friend over the weekend who knows very little about depression, and she mentioned that she never knows what to say to depressed friends or loved ones – she’s always worried about hurting their feelings or making things worse. So I decided to make a list of the most obnoxious and/or clueless things people have said to me, along with some suggestions of things they could have said instead. Hopefully this will help you, because even if you don’t suffer from depression, I can guarantee you know someone who does (whether or not they’re comfortable enough to admit it).

5 Things You Should Never Say to a Depressed Person

1. Don’t ask, “Why are you so sad?”

Depression isn’t just sadness and it doesn’t always have a direct cause. That’s like asking someone in a wheelchair why they can’t walk – they just can’t.

I think people mean well when they ask questions like this, but the truth is, you can’t “logic” your way out of depression. You can’t sit down and make a list of pros and cons, then make a decision not to feel depressed. It just doesn’t work that way. There’s no point in wondering about the why because it’s not going to make a difference. When someone tells you they’re depressed, they don’t expect you to find a magic solution; they just want your support.

Say this instead: “I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I’m here for you and I’ll be glad to listen.”

2. Don’t say, “I know exactly how you feel.”

Depression can happen to anyone, but that doesn’t mean it always happens in the same way or for the same reasons. Even if your situation was very similar, it’s insulting to assume that you know what’s going through another person’s head.

Additionally, don’t make it about you! People love to tell me they know how I feel, followed by a long, drawn out story about their own experiences. Normally that wouldn’t bother me, but when I’ve reached a low point, I don’t have the energy to take on someone else’s problems. That actually makes me feel worse because I feel pressured to offer comfort at a time when I’m the one in need of help!

Say this instead: “I can imagine how difficult [situation] must be for you. I’m really sorry this is happening.”

3. Don’t say, “But think of all the good things in your life!”

By all measures, my life is pretty great. I am self-employed and love what I do, I have an awesome son who I love dearly, my bills are paid, I have support from friends and family… I could keep going. However, depression doesn’t care that I have all those things. In fact, my depression tells me that I don’t deserve them, or that I only have them because people don’t know the “real” me, or that all the people in my life secretly hate me.

In other words, it’s not helpful for a depressed person to think about the positives in his (or her) life because the illness will not allow him to see those things for what they are. Depression can also cause immense guilt – feelings like, “I have all these awesome things and I can’t even appreciate them! What’s wrong with me?” It’s natural to want to remind someone that life isn’t all bad, but it can hurt more than it helps.

Say this instead: “I love you and can’t wait to see you kick depression’s sorry ass! I’m here for you no matter what.”

4. Don’t say, “Let me know if I can help/if you need to talk.”

Don’t get me wrong – it’s incredibly nice for someone to offer to listen or to help. But when I’m depressed, I hear that as an empty offer. She doesn’t really want to help; she’s just trying to escape the conversation without looking like a jerk. He’s only saying that because he thinks he has to.

If you really want to help a depressed person, don’t leave the burden of asking for help on her – she’s probably not able to handle it. It requires a lot of courage to say out loud, “I can’t do this on my own,” and the depression is likely telling the person it would be pointless anyway. If you’re going to offer something, do it in a concrete way that doesn’t force the person to ask for it.

Say this instead: “I know you’re stressed about being behind on laundry (or whatever the case may be). I’m coming over tomorrow to help you wash clothes because I want you to feel less overwhelmed.” And then do it no matter how much the person protests, assuming you’re close enough to him to barge into his house when everything is in a state of utter chaos. Or just send a card – it would mean a lot.

5. Don’t say, “I don’t believe in therapy/medication. I just  ___ when I’m depressed.”

Oh, you don’t “believe in” the two research-proven treatment methods for depression? And it makes you feel better to paint a picture or sing Kumbaya or volunteer at the humane society? Well, isn’t that nice. Too bad those things do literally NOTHING to help me.

Never, ever discourage someone from seeking treatment for depression. I don’t care what works or doesn’t work for you personally, or what medicines you tried that didn’t agree with you. The fact is, antidepressants and therapy are helpful for a LOT of people. That doesn’t mean they’re the only things that work or that it doesn’t take trial and error to find the best combo, but I can personally attest to the benefits, both as a patient and as a former treatment provider.

We live in a society that shuns taking pills or seeing a professional to deal with mental illness. Yet we would never tell someone to “walk off” a broken leg or “get out more” to cure cancer. Depression causes measurable, observable changes to the brain’s chemical makeup – it isn’t something people just invent because they feel like it. If someone is brave enough to buck tradition and get help and you tell them not to, you are a jerkface asshole of the highest order.

Say this instead: “I really hope [method of treatment, traditional or not] works for you. I’m so glad you’re taking steps to battle your depression and get better.”

Depression affects around 1 in 10 American adults. Whether or not you ever experience it, it’s important to know what to say when you encounter someone who does. If you’ve dealt with depression before, what other things have people said that were hurtful or annoying? What could they have said instead?

About Andrea Whitmer

Andrea is a freelance web developer and mom trying to maintain a sense of humor in an otherwise chaotic world. She blogs in hopes of helping others avoid the same mistakes she made in the past. Join in the discussion here on So Over This, or connect on Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, or Google Plus. You can also subscribe to new posts via RSS so you never miss out!


  1. Wow! I think I’m going to print this out and super enlarge it. This would be way kinder than some of the things people say to me. Thanks for writing this.

  2. A-fucking-men!

    When my depression was at its worst, I was told (by a therapist, no less) that it’s not that bad as I think because I was able to get out of bed every day. You would think a therapist would know what a major victory that was. Anyway…for me, the worst part is when people question my depression, making glib comments like “You could be happy if you just tried”. Because it’s that damn easy, of course.

    I think part of the problem is the overuse of the word “depression”. It’s become so common as a synonym for “upset” or “angry” that when you say you have depression–a legit mental illness–it’s downgraded t something insignificant. For instance, I was shopping a few weeks ago and overheard a woman say “I’m so depressed. I didn’t know they had a Cheesecake Factory here” (seriously. She said that). It might have taken all I have not to punch her.

    In order to make more people understand that depression is not a throwaway word but a real problem, more people need to talk about it. And I’m so glad you did.

  3. Heidi P. says:

    My favorite came from a sort-of friend (who is now in therapy, but that’s not why we’re just “sort-of” friends) who didn’t believe in meds/therapy and would insist that just by reading about depression, she could cure it. I quit telling her when I was down ‘cos she always had a book to recommend.

    I come from a long line of “just get over it” people and have worked pretty dang hard to stop that cycle. Even now, tho, my mom flips out whenever I talk about seeing a doctor when I’m feeling down enough to need a meds adjustment.

  4. I cried reading this post. Thank you so much for this post. Every time I hear about someone else who struggles with mental health as I do, even if the circumstances are different, I feel a little bit more normal. I, too, have been dealing with depression (and anxiety, ADHD, a range of other fun things) through all of my adult life. I’m sure you’ve seen this, but in case anyone else hasn’t, I highly recommend Hyperbole and a Half’s takes on depression. (Won’t link here, just Google for Parts 1 and 2. So touching and accurate). It’s hard, it’s lonely, it’s isolating.

    It takes a lot of courage to do what you’re doing and continue to seek treatment; I am sure our experiences have their own nuances, but I have found it very hard to continually have to go through these cycles, and frequently seek new medications, therapists, or ways of coping. It’s like god, haven’t I done this enough times yet? When is it over? It doesn’t “go away” for me, and it sounds like that might be true for you. I just want you to know I am so proud that you are taking care of yourself, being open about your experiences, and marching onward. So many hugs.

    The most hurtful things that have been said to me were also that seeking therapy or medication was wrong or proved I was “batshit” or “crazy” (yes, literally those words have been said to me). This was relatively easy to write off, because people who would say that are completely ignorant in my book. More substantively, when I needed to take time off from school because I lacked enough function to get through grad school classes and needed to be partially hospitalized, the administration of my department told me that I should make up a story about a physical problem I was having so that faculty and students would not think I was incompetent. INCOMPETENT?! How is taking care of myself showing incompetence? I would tell them if I had cancer and needed some time, right? Why is that any different?

    I did not do what this administrator suggested; of course I did not go into excessive amounts of detail and kept it professional, but I did tell all of my colleagues and advisers that I needed time away (and that I eventually left school altogether) largely for mental health reasons. A lot of faculty recounted to me their mental health issues, small and large, during graduate school and in general, and many students later on in our time there came to me because they were struggling for the first time with mental health, had no idea where to begin, and I had been so open about my experiences. I don’t care who found me incompetent by being so open; if I educated one person about how to help themselves when they were in a dark place, I could give a f*%& what anyone else thinks.

    Keep on fighting the good fight. I love you, girl.

  5. Renee S says:

    I have struggled with depression myself and I’ve gone to therapists, been on meds, etc. I read this book that was recommeded by a therapist and I really liked it. It is called “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns. Being a therapist yourself, you may have heard of it or read it. I hope you start to feel better soon 🙂

  6. I could just hug you. I’m proud of you for being so open. Xoxo.

  7. As someone who has been through periods of depression myself, I can agree with a lot of this. The best thing you can do is offer your support and even force your help if its needed. Sometimes people can’t even help themselves. I hope you find peace soon.

  8. You’re on a posting roll! I was going to reply to your last one, but you were too quick… so… here ya go. lol

    How about instead say, you rock so hard… I love you so much right now… Andrea, you’re DOIN’ IT RIGHT!

    I’m not saying ANY of that to “encourage” you or put a bandaid on what you’re dealing with. I’m one of those “been there, done that” people, saying AMEN from the pews, and I just want you to know you’re not alone. Unique, yes. No one’s story is like yours. Alone, not in this world.

    I would add one more for PTSD- For the love of all that is holy, don’t ask how it happened.

    Don’t ask about the nightmares. Don’t ask what it was like to live through that. Don’t tell me I’m so strong, you can’t imagine how I manage. (and that last one applies to ANY struggle with emotional or mental issues.)
    When I can be normal, let me be normal. When I can’t be… just give me a little space.

    Good for you, Andrea.
    God bless you hon.

  9. Andrea, your post totally reminded me of a recent “back from the depths” post by another blogger. Her most recent post is “Depression, Part 2” … simply a fantastic explanation of depression to the non-depressed (“My fish are dead” … rings sad and funny at the same time.)
    And make sure to read Part 1, back in 2011….
    Thanks for sharing your experiences!

  10. I was depressed for a time, but now I am on DAILY anti-anxiety medications. It makes me so mad because my friends and family don’t get it. I’m not a high-strung person, (ok, I am) but I feel like I need it to help me cope with stressful situations. Loved this post, people need to talk about it more.

  11. Jennifer says:

    A few years ago, when I was in the midst of a black hole of depression, I was dating a guy who turned out to be an asshat. My doctor had given me samples for an anti-depressant, which worked really well for me. When it came time to fill the prescription, my insurance company wouldn’t pay for it because it was a top tier drug and had no generic, so I had to take a similar drug that had a generic. This drug did NOT work – I was irrational, agitated (down right hateful) and it caused command audio hallucinations.

    Asshat spent the weekend with me while I was on the crappy meds and told me one morning I needed to take my meds because I was being mean and nasty and he wasn’t going to deal with me being a bitch all weekend. His statement pissed me off and hurt my feelings because I wasn’t purposefully being a bitch. I didn’t realize at the time that it was the Rx causing the severe mood change, so I took my meds. The next day, while I was making Sunday dinner and using a very large chef’s knife, I heard the voice telling me to kill myself. I had never heard voices before and it scared me to death! I had enough presence of mind to put the knife down, tell him he needed to finish dinner and went outside on the porch and cried. He had a look of horror and revulsion on his face when I told him why he had to finish making dinner. The next day, my doctor was able to switch me back to the drug that worked because I had “failed” the generic.

    Even now, I’m not sure what he could have said, but he sure as hell could have used a different tone of voice. We parted ways shortly after I started taking the good drug and was able to see him for the douche bag he really was.

    • OMG! I thought I was the only one that used the word “ass-hat” on a regular basis. That made me literally LOL!

      My other fave is “douche-copter” Not sure why it makes me laugh but it does.

      Good for you, hon. Sounds like he was just one of those “women are neurotic” types who have no idea how to be a real man and stand behind you when you need him.

      Take care of you!

  12. Awesome post. I use to do all of these things with my husband, who was diagnosed with depression many years ago. I just couldn’t understand and always felt like *I* was doing something wrong, when he couldn’t just explain WHY he was down. Then after having my son in 2010…I went through a nasty bout of PPD and since my doctor just shrugged it off as ‘baby blues’ – it never went away and only got worse. I finally caved and saw a specialist and was diagnosed with moderate depression and an anxiety disorder. The medications have helped tremendously. Unless you’ve been through it, you cannot relate to it. I understand that now!

  13. Yeah, I know exactly how you feel….that reminds me of the time I was sad about….(just kidding)

    In all your writing, and in all your blog posts, it’s always come through to me that you’re an incredibly empathetic person that cares deeply about the people in your life. You’re a good mother to your son, you hustle everyday in your career, and you are obviously loyal to your family (parking cousin on your couch to spare your grandfather).

    Please don’t forget to be kind to yourself – especially when you’re feeling shitty and overwhelmed by everything. I know that might sound cliche and trite but I know that’s one of the hardest things to do when you’re in a bad space. At least for me it is. Hang in there, I would totally do your laundry if I didn’t live two thousand miles away. 😉

  14. Virginia says:

    Very nice post and very timely. I read on CNN today that President Obama and VP Biden are meeting today to discuss ways to improve mental health. It was also released that more people are expected to die this year from suicide than from automobile accidents. Can you believe that statistic! Depression is a serious problem and people who suffer from it should definately seek treatment. I tried to “fight” depression on my own for years and finally got help last year. Honestly, just realizing that it is a health problem and not just me “having the wrong attitude” helps a lot.

    To everyone with this problem– don’t be ashamed and know that you aren’t alone.

  15. This is a helpful post because there are quite a few depressed people in my life, but I am not affected by it so I don’t know what they are going through.

    In my limited experience with people I know, I do think depression is over prescribed and over medicated, but I also recognize it is a very real thing for many people.

    Even with your help, I still don’t really know what to say except that I’ve “known” you for a few years and haven’t once even gotten the hint that you have depression. I hope you are proud of the fact that you’ve been dealing with it so well that I haven’t noticed 🙂

    • Kevin, don’t you think that the fact that you haven’t noticed she deals with it means the techniques and meds she’s using are working? And doesn’t it follow, then, that even though you may know people with depression… you may have no idea they have it? Which makes your “over prescribed” (did you mean diagnosed?) and “over medicated” comments … a little off in left field?

      Here are some facts to chew on: 1 in 10 adults (as Andrea has pointed out) struggle with depression.
      I’m really not surprised by that, since we live in a world in which 1 in 4 women, and 1 in 5 men, are sexually abused before they turn 18. And that’s just one trigger for depression. That doesn’t take into account the many people who suffer chemical imbalances which lead to depressive symptoms without any outside triggers.

      Kudos for making the effort to learn more. It’s not nearly as hurtful when people just don’t understand, as when they don’t WANT to understand.

  16. Excellent and enlightening post. While I don’t suffer from this affliction, I – and others – could use some coaching in how to approach conversations like this. I appreciate you spelling this out in such a personal post.

  17. Well done! With 1 in 10 people suffering from depression its terrible that it is still so poorly understood in America. Great job spreading the word in an articulate manner.

  18. I am so sorry you suffer with this. If I was close I would come over and do your laundry. People who have never suffered deep depression do not realize how debilitating it is and how helpless and drained you can feel. Everything is difficult, everything, from putting your socks on to getting groceries. I hope you can get the monster under control. Email me privately if you need to talk or write about this, I don’t know what I can do but I do care.

  19. I work at a supportive housing residence where many of our tenants are diagnosed SPMI. I recently called 911 because one of my clients was suicidal. When EMS arrive (yes, a trained medical professional) and I told him what was going on. His response to my client, “What are the voices saying?” Umm wrong mental illness jackass, he’s clinically depressed, not schizophrenic. Then he asked the client if he was taking his Zyprexa. It’s amazing to me how uneducated the general public ( and even “medical professionals”) are.

    The saddest part to me is that mental illness is way under diagnosed in our country. So many people are suffering and because of stigma and health care limitations (restrictions on the number of visits, lack of psychiatrists and therapists, expensive medications, people who are uninsured) we’re not getting help to the people who need it.

  20. You are basically telling me I need to tell my wife to be quiet when she talks to some of her friends that are depressed. Those are all the things she says thinking she is helping and showing support. Didn’t know 1 in 10, thats a high number.

  21. Ok you guys, this was a great article. But let me say this: my mother-in-law is a very attractive, materialistic and spoiled lady. Idyllic childhood, good friends, wonderful husband.
    Never lost a child. Wealthy. Never worked. Big house, loving sons and daughters in law, etc. Has lead a very charmed life.

    She is depressed.

    I on the other hand came from a terrible childhood. Parents and siblings didn’t like me and i had no friends. A couple times kids beat me up after school for no reason. I never fit in to anything. Today at 53 I often feel worthless and like a piece of *&^t. I lost my first son. But the way i handle my depression, you would think i was the happiest gal alive.
    What i make myself do each day is this:
    get out of bed and on my knees and thank God for all he’s given me.
    Think of 5 things i’m grateful for.
    Tell myself this is gonna be a good day. and i smile!
    go out of myself to help someone else in a big or small way.
    Have a sense of humor, and do something interactively FUN.
    volunteer at a soup kitchen once a week.
    I’m scarred but not depressed, because i go out of myself to connect to those less fortunate.

    • I’m glad that you have been able to overcome difficulty in your life! That’s wonderful and your positive attitude is evident. However, I can’t help feeling like you’re telling me that I wouldn’t feel depressed if I was a better Christian or did more for others. I’m not saying that’s what you meant, but that’s how it came across to me when I read your comment. I have a family member who says things like that often so it might just be a trigger for me.

      People react differently to different stressors and situations, and it’s not possible to know what another person may be dealing with that you aren’t aware of. I apologize if I’m being defensive, but I’ll just say this – I thank God for my life every day and I do plenty for other people. I do have a good sense of humor. But that isn’t enough by itself to make the chemicals in my brain go back to normal. It’s awesome that it works for you.

      • That’s how I interpreted Denise’s comment, too: “Here’s how I fix myself. Why don’t the rest of you fix YOURselves?”

        I’ve been treated for depression, an anxiety disorder and your own personal favorite, post-traumatic stress disorder. Doing much better now — in fact, I’m happier than I’ve ever been and most days can’t believe how lucky I am — yet I still have to fight off waves of anxiety or sadness on a fairly regular basis. I also wonder if the hypervigilance will ever go away (ah, PTSD, the gift that keeps on taking!).

        Fortunately I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t need meds. My daughter, on the other hand, may always need them. She’s open about it on her website and at times has had to deal with folks who suggest she just “be grateful” or “focus on the positive.” As you said, it’s like asking a guy with a broken ankle just to walk it off. Doesn’t work that way, folks.

        If you don’t know what to say, print out Andrea’s list and study it. Or just say nothing at all. Listening is an underused skill. Practice it.

    • I think this story is a perfect example of how depression is a chemical imbalance for some people, and not triggered by circumstances. It’s a common myth that depression is always brought on by traumatic experiences or disappointing circumstances. That’s simply not true. You can have it all, and still struggle with depression. Or, you can have a really crappy time of it, and move on and “get over it” and do just fine. Because yes, sometimes there’s a trigger, but as Andrea pointed out there are MEASURABLE CHANGES IN BRAIN CHEMISTRY that happen with depression. Similarly, no one knows why some people suffer traumatic experiences and end up living with nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety and depression for the rest of their lives, and some come through it and go on to lead normal lives, never giving the incident a second thought.

      My daughter, like your mother in law, has had very few traumatic experiences, up until the time her father walked out on us last year, but she has been struggling with depression since she was 9 years old. She’s on a medication now that helps her function without needing to sleep 12-15 hours a day. She’s still a moody teen at times, but she’s much more “normal”.

      I have been dealing with PTSD symptoms for over 20 years, and I have never taken medication for the depression and anxiety, for a variety of personal reasons, not least because of my sensitivity to certain medications. I’ve managed by learning coping skills, meditation, and other calming techniques. It’s frankly exhausting at times, to be constantly aware of my own state of mind and to have to “sandbag” against the bad times, but this is my choice and it works for me.

      Every single person has their own way of dealing with things. I don’t think that criticizing someone else for depression just because they’ve had an easier time of it in life than you have makes any more sense than criticizing someone with a disability for using crutches or being in a wheelchair.

      Just my two cents.

  22. Jessika says:

    I’ve been dealing with anxiety and depression for a few years now…. actually about 5 years. My doctor tried giving me medication before but it made me feel weird like I didn’t care about anything at all and was floating on a cloud. I hated the feeling and I felt like my doctor didn’t understand so I never brought it up again. I’m currently looking for a new doctor and hoping I can get some different meds because its been getting worse for quite a while now. Any advise on how I can talk to my new doctor about this? I feel stupid and just end up crying the whole time. I’m 26 but I feel like I have no clue how to approach it it almost feels like a dirty 4 letter word! Email me directly if you can. Thanks! Ps I love your blog I’ve been reading it for quite awhile now. I’m a single mom of two and I’ve paid off all but one credit card and student loans. I finally have a savings and I plan to pay cash for my next car 🙂

  23. Oh dear, I am guilty of #4 in my recent emails to you…though they are genuine offers of help (and otherwise I don’t really know how to help you as we live states away). Anyway, I hope you saw my other comment–in case you did not, don’t worry about my requests AT ALL. I had no idea you were feeling like this, and I am sorry for requesting more of your time. You do great work, and it will all be there for when you feel well enough again. In the meantime, work on continuing to be your fabulous self!

  24. teinegurl says:

    First off i wanted to say Hi Andrea! i know you read the comments and just wanted to say hi! still a reader here

    I think for people who never experinced depression or mental illnesses it so hard to figure out what to say to someone who has. We try to be helpful but more often than not we’re not. The 2 times in my life that i was severely depressed was when i was a teenager. Both times i took no medications but i did have lots of therapy one on one and family therapy. That helped get my emotions out. When i found out i was pregnant with my daughter 2nd child i was so depressed because i wasn’t ready to have another child so soon. Talking it out with my friends or therapist (someone who is not involved in the situation) helped give me another perspective. Thankfully im done with that part of my life no longer haunts me. Keep blogging about Andrea because your story helps other people out there! Take care

  25. Thank you for this. My husband has periods of time that I know that he is clinically depressed but they only last a few days or a couple of weeks every couple of months. He doesn’t want medical help or therapy. So I have learned how to leave him alone and support him without wanting to kill him (mostly) while he rides the lows and comes out the other side. But I have said a few of those things above during those times before and am totally not going to do that anymore. Thank you.

  26. Well said. My childhood was hell but my life now is pretty much as fairytale as it gets and yet I battle severe depression. I have been with my husband for 13 years and he is just now starting to understand that he will never understand! He has tried for years to ” help me” but now he realizes its not that simple and supports my need for meds (not that he ever kept me from taking them). That’s a person who loves me and knows me better than anyone! So yeah, other people who find out I struggle from depression could benefit from this post!

  27. Errr, I’m guilty with some of these. I said to a friend of mind the number 2 and 4. Maybe I was just clueless at that time. Now thinking about it, I feel embarrassed. But I really wanted to help. It’s just that I don’t know what to do to help her.

  28. During the first few weeks of my depression, when I still didn’t know what was going on, I poured my heart out to and sought support from a “friend” who, in response, told me “There are bigger things in the world than your problems.” Needless to say, I no longer consider this person a friend.

    My depression started two and a half years ago, but wasn’t diagnosed until late August of last year. I’m still struggling with it today.

  29. In fact, my depression tells me that I don’t deserve them..

    Thank you!

  30. Michael says:

    For me, almost worse than the depression itself was a fear that I was just a weakling who couldn’t handle everyday life, and was not in fact depressed at all. Which is why I felt so hurt when a senseless friend told me that claiming I was depressed was just my excuse for my recent failures in life.

  31. This is so true. I had one friend that kept trying to make me tell her why I was so depressed.
    At first I couldn’t, it was uncomfortable and I kept thinking that she was only saying those things because she felt like it was an obligation.
    One day she asked me again and I finally felt comfortable enough and prepared to tell her what was/is going on in my life, want to know what she did after that?
    She started with number 3 on this list, it led to her diminishing my illness and comparing me to poor children in Africa who are miserable and this and that.
    Eventually she told me to kill myself since I had no friends ( which I tried ) and my depression was a lie or some kind of excuse.

    Since this happened she has been ignoring me and I don’t think I will EVER trust someone as much as I did to tell those things about about my life.

    I’m sorry if my english isn’t that great.

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